Polycule: Get Out of My Car

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• 1756 words • 7-8 min •

[Mild-ish content warning: some fatphobic comments and gross sex/bodily function stories.]

Let’s talk about my second date with Smiley, cause the first date was a basic coffee shop date that was so standard, I don’t even really remember it. Except for the part where he loudly talked about his mom getting high before his surgery and a lengthy description of a prostate exam in which he shit into a nurse’s hand. Maybe I blocked the rest out.

The second date was weeks later. Smiley is tall, loud, very expressive, and has no filter (obviously). He’s kind of a giant goofball who doesn’t really think before he acts (see first date). Most of his text messages to me came with numerous exclamation marks!!!!!! And he would randomly toss out adorable facts like he’s terrified of spiders and makes his girlfriend kill them for him, or when he was little he wanted to change his middle name to Snowman.