Polycule: Get Out of My Car

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• 1756 words • 7-8 min •

[Mild-ish content warning: some fatphobic comments and gross sex/bodily function stories.]

Let’s talk about my second date with Smiley, cause the first date was a basic coffee shop date that was so standard, I don’t even really remember it. Except for the part where he loudly talked about his mom getting high before his surgery and a lengthy description of a prostate exam in which he shit into a nurse’s hand. Maybe I blocked the rest out.

The second date was weeks later. Smiley is tall, loud, very expressive, and has no filter (obviously). He’s kind of a giant goofball who doesn’t really think before he acts (see first date). Most of his text messages to me came with numerous exclamation marks!!!!!! And he would randomly toss out adorable facts like he’s terrified of spiders and makes his girlfriend kill them for him, or when he was little he wanted to change his middle name to Snowman.

Polycule: “I’m Kind of Generic”

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• 1300 words • 5-6 min •

As promised… the second terrible date I’ve been on recently. This one, thankfully, was less terrifying. He respected every boundary I had, and was perfectly polite and nice.

But, uh. That was… that was about it.

Recently-ish, I’ve been open to dating couples. I’ve never done it before, and read some cute triad romance novels that gave me starry-eyed daydreams about it. Plus, it was something I thought would be really interesting to write about for Polycule (haha! I am shameless). There will be a lot more on that at a much later date (pun).

So this guy – Mr. Generic – responded to that, and said he’d show my picture to his wife and tell her about me and see if she was interested.

Polycule: Chris

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• 2900 words • 12 min •

Happy 11th birthday to our relationship!

Today’s episode of Polycule is going to be special, a slight deviation from the norm. For one thing, it takes place in the past. But for another, it has comments from Chris himself interspersed throughout in purple. I wrote this piece, and read it to him, and recorded his actual commentary. So… enjoy Chris and I’s love story!

[Why don’t I get a fancy nickname??? Why am I just Chris?? I want a fancy nickname!]

You see, on this day, at 2:18 in the morning, eleven years ago, Chris told me he liked me. And I texted back, telling him to call me because “I am not having the most important conversation of my life via text message.”

Polycule: Birdy

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• 1900 words • 7-8 min •

Birdy’s name is not, in fact, Birdy. I use code names for everyone I talk about on this blog, but this one actually asked me to call her by a code name. I had messaged her online, and we didn’t have a ton in common, but enough (especially fantasy novels and nerdy pursuits) that I felt like it was worth a shot… until she told me her name.

Which was the same as my birth name.

Polycule

Polycule: The Ghost

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• 1750 words • 7 min •

After everything with Axes blew up, I was kind of mopey. People who appear to be interested in me, then later tell me it's a lie or they didn't actually feel as strongly as they originally thought... I'm really sensitive to that. It's happened before, with much bigger relationships, and part of my starting online dating again was that I was only going to accept people who treated me well and who genuinely wanted to be with me. One of my best friends has a saying, "Only date people who want to date you!" and shouts it at me anytime I make excuses for those people who don't appear to be giving me their all, or seem to have dubious intentions.

Very cute white pomeranian doggy.
Puppies are v good at comforting

I was still in the Conversations Stage with a number of people, but had kind of been drifting away from them since I thought there was Something There with Axes. Letting longer and longer lengths of time elapse before I replied, or not taking the initiative to message them.

But here I was, late at night, bored, and feeling really disappointed about Axes, and messaging all the people I'd sort of let slip away in the last few weeks. So let's talk about a few of them that didn't go anywhere, first.

There was a really *really* cute bisexual trans girl with silvery lavender hair and a sort of perfect SOFT GRUNGE look you only see on tumblr. She ended all of her messages with cute little c: faces. And we had progressed to texting and.... and....

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Polycule: Axe Throwing Guy – Part Three

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2600 words • 10 min

The week after the election, nearly everyone I knew had violence occur in their neighborhood. My best friend at the time lived in an apartment complex, and the body of a young black woman was found dead in the apartment below hers. My ex-boyfriend lived in a small town in the northeast and a man went on a shooting spree across the town, something that had never taken place in that area before. A guy I had been talking to online (and who I went on a date with eventually - Gizzards, coming soon) had a Muslim friend who had buckets of red paint thrown on him while walking across campus. And one of Axes' family members was assaulted on the street for wearing a pride shirt. She was physically okay minus some bruising, but everything was terrifying; everyone was shaken over these events happening all over the country.

Fig A. Amazing queer shirt of wonder and majesty

It was heavy, depressing times, and I found myself going to Axes to talk about it over and over again. Over half of his immediate family and all of his friends were queer - he *got it* in a way that most of my other friends didn't.

He also said something that I still think about on a regular basis, and keep as quote on my phone. I shared with him that I had just started to be kind of Out at work. After Pulse happened, I wore all my LGBTQ t-shirts to work that week, and a few coworker friends knew about my life. But after Trump won, and people I know started getting more violence and hate directed at them and those they loved, it started to feel a lot more unsafe, or at least unwise, to be out in the workplace.

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Coming Soon: Polycule

Coming April 2017 Announcing… Polycule, a blog series/podcast revolving around the true…

Coming April 2017

Announcing… Polycule, a blog series/podcast revolving around the true story of a polyamorous, queer person dating and doing life.

Wait, what?

I am a polyamorous, demi-bisexual, bigender person living in the midwest USA. Nonbinary, non-monogamous, and not that into sex. Married, has a boyfriend, dates other people, likes kissing. Etc. Oh, also struggles with anxiety, depression, and recovering from trauma/abuse.

I started online dating (again) back in October 2016, and at least 20 people on twitter asked me to write more about my experiences than the tidbits I was sharing in 140 characters. So… I decided to go for it.