Polycule: Sandoval – Baconator Fries Solve Everything

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• 920 words • 4 min •

NOTE: Sorry this episode is so late, and so disjointed. My life’s been a bit of a mess recently, and on top of that – Sandoval’s story is an emotional one for me, as you’ll see in this episode and the next two. Please have patience!!

Did I mention Sandoval was ten years older than me? He officially has the biggest age gap of anyone I’ve ever dated. I was intimidated by the writing career he’d already had, his vocabulary and experiences I didn’t share. But I found him fascinating. He was charming and silly, went along with all of my weirdness – from making him download Snapchat to listening to me gush about every cool thing I was reading or playing.

I tend to flirt by teasing people, so of course I teased him about being old any chance I got.

“Be careful,” he said once. “I’m not afraid to pull out the ‘you’re picking on an old blind guy’ card.”

He introduced me to Fallen London, a game that let me play as a nonbinary gender, or as the game called it a “Person of Mysterious and Indistinct Gender.” I absolutely loved this, and love Fallen London for having an inclusive nonbinary option. Sandoval began referring to me by my Fallen London gender in real life, which was hilarious and amazing.

GOOD DAY, SIR. I SAID GOOD DAY!

Sandoval was so much fun to talk to, bounce ideas off of, engage in nerdy debates out of nowhere with. I talked about him all the time, and our conversations bled over into my relationships with everyone else. I endured a lot of teasing for this. I was so excited about this new person I’d found and every amazing, hilarious thing that he did or said or thought.

He was a very bright spot during a couple of heartbreaking weeks. I finally severed ties with my best friend, and I was… lost. And mourning. Countless times every day I’d pick up my phone to text her or forward her a meme… and then remember we were over. Chris works nights and Cute Boy lives 40 minutes away, and there were a lot of nights when I just needed to be around someone so I didn’t spend all night crying on my couch.

Polycule: Get Out of My Car

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• 1756 words • 7-8 min •

[Mild-ish content warning: some fatphobic comments and gross sex/bodily function stories.]

Let’s talk about my second date with Smiley, cause the first date was a basic coffee shop date that was so standard, I don’t even really remember it. Except for the part where he loudly talked about his mom getting high before his surgery and a lengthy description of a prostate exam in which he shit into a nurse’s hand. Maybe I blocked the rest out.

The second date was weeks later. Smiley is tall, loud, very expressive, and has no filter (obviously). He’s kind of a giant goofball who doesn’t really think before he acts (see first date). Most of his text messages to me came with numerous exclamation marks!!!!!! And he would randomly toss out adorable facts like he’s terrified of spiders and makes his girlfriend kill them for him, or when he was little he wanted to change his middle name to Snowman.

Polycule: Birdy

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• 1900 words • 7-8 min •

Birdy’s name is not, in fact, Birdy. I use code names for everyone I talk about on this blog, but this one actually asked me to call her by a code name. I had messaged her online, and we didn’t have a ton in common, but enough (especially fantasy novels and nerdy pursuits) that I felt like it was worth a shot… until she told me her name.

Which was the same as my birth name.

Polycule

Polycule: The Ghost

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• 1750 words • 7 min •

After everything with Axes blew up, I was kind of mopey. People who appear to be interested in me, then later tell me it's a lie or they didn't actually feel as strongly as they originally thought... I'm really sensitive to that. It's happened before, with much bigger relationships, and part of my starting online dating again was that I was only going to accept people who treated me well and who genuinely wanted to be with me. One of my best friends has a saying, "Only date people who want to date you!" and shouts it at me anytime I make excuses for those people who don't appear to be giving me their all, or seem to have dubious intentions.

Very cute white pomeranian doggy.
Puppies are v good at comforting

I was still in the Conversations Stage with a number of people, but had kind of been drifting away from them since I thought there was Something There with Axes. Letting longer and longer lengths of time elapse before I replied, or not taking the initiative to message them.

But here I was, late at night, bored, and feeling really disappointed about Axes, and messaging all the people I'd sort of let slip away in the last few weeks. So let's talk about a few of them that didn't go anywhere, first.

There was a really *really* cute bisexual trans girl with silvery lavender hair and a sort of perfect SOFT GRUNGE look you only see on tumblr. She ended all of her messages with cute little c: faces. And we had progressed to texting and.... and....

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Coming Soon: Polycule

Coming April 2017 Announcing… Polycule, a blog series/podcast revolving around the true…

Coming April 2017

Announcing… Polycule, a blog series/podcast revolving around the true story of a polyamorous, queer person dating and doing life.

Wait, what?

I am a polyamorous, demi-bisexual, bigender person living in the midwest USA. Nonbinary, non-monogamous, and not that into sex. Married, has a boyfriend, dates other people, likes kissing. Etc. Oh, also struggles with anxiety, depression, and recovering from trauma/abuse.

I started online dating (again) back in October 2016, and at least 20 people on twitter asked me to write more about my experiences than the tidbits I was sharing in 140 characters. So… I decided to go for it.