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Polycule: “I’m Kind of Generic”

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• 1300 words • 5-6 min •

As promised… the second terrible date I’ve been on recently. This one, thankfully, was less terrifying. He respected every boundary I had, and was perfectly polite and nice.

But, uh. That was… that was about it.

Recently-ish, I’ve been open to dating couples. I’ve never done it before, and read some cute triad romance novels that gave me starry-eyed daydreams about it. Plus, it was something I thought would be really interesting to write about for Polycule (haha! I am shameless). There will be a lot more on that at a much later date (pun).

So this guy – Mr. Generic – responded to that, and said he’d show my picture to his wife and tell her about me and see if she was interested.

Polycule: A Big Scoop of Nope

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• 2530 words • 10 min •

I have been writing these Polycule episodes in chronological order, tracking my dating life steadily through fall of 2016. But in the past month I have had two of the worst dates ever. Knowing I would have to wait over a YEAR before sharing these bad dates if I followed my schedule was causing  me so much anguish. I had to tell you NOW.

Polycule: Chris

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• 2900 words • 12 min •

Happy 11th birthday to our relationship!

Today’s episode of Polycule is going to be special, a slight deviation from the norm. For one thing, it takes place in the past. But for another, it has comments from Chris himself interspersed throughout in purple. I wrote this piece, and read it to him, and recorded his actual commentary. So… enjoy Chris and I’s love story!

[Why don’t I get a fancy nickname??? Why am I just Chris?? I want a fancy nickname!]

You see, on this day, at 2:18 in the morning, eleven years ago, Chris told me he liked me. And I texted back, telling him to call me because “I am not having the most important conversation of my life via text message.”

Polycule: Birdy

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• 1900 words • 7-8 min •

Birdy’s name is not, in fact, Birdy. I use code names for everyone I talk about on this blog, but this one actually asked me to call her by a code name. I had messaged her online, and we didn’t have a ton in common, but enough (especially fantasy novels and nerdy pursuits) that I felt like it was worth a shot… until she told me her name.

Which was the same as my birth name.

Marie Landry: Making it Work

Today I am proud to host Marie Landry talking about how she…

Today I am proud to host Marie Landry talking about how she keeps going, keeps writing despite difficult times, and how she personally makes it work when life sucks. Her LGBTQ+ book, Take Them by Storm, is a lesbian YA novel, third in a series that doesn’t need to be read in order.

 

Almost everyone I know can agree on one thing if nothing else: 2016 sucked. For me personally it was one of the most difficult years of my life, and then throw in what was happening around the world and my brain felt like a chaotic mess.

All of this affected my writing. I had so much going on in my life that was preventing me from writing, and then throw in depression and anxiety that was exacerbated by everything happening in the world, and I lost most of my motivation. I was easily distracted. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to write. It wasn’t the refuge it had always been, a way to escape the real world. Instead I buried myself in other people’s writing, and I channeled my creativity into bookstagram.

Polycule

Polycule: Gizzards

• 3700 words •11-18 min • Content warning: This episode deals with acephobia,…

• 3700 words •11-18 min •

My cartoon face saying "Question. Do you/have you actually eaten gizzards? Lmao. And are you excited for pokemon sun/moon to come out tomorro? (I may have pre-ordered it and may be anxiously staring at my porch waiting for packages to arrive)"

Content warning: This episode deals with acephobia, transphobia, and sex in clinical but graphic terms. Those who are triggered by their asexuality being dismissed or treated as a disorder, or by trans identities being reduced to genitalia, ought to skip this one. I offer hugs on your way out. 🙁

Gizzards was an allocishet dude, a giant nerd, who was excited about Pokemon, and had a witty way with words that made our banter hilarious. His personality meshed well with mine – a mixture of intellectual, sarcastic,
and a giant goofball. I had messaged him around the same time as The Ghost, but it wasn’t until the day after that date (literally, hours after returning home) that we switched from dating website to text.

Our conversation tended to wander between Pokemon (Sun and Moon had just come out two days before and we were both sending screenshots and brainstorming good punny names for our newly caught babies) and sex/polyamory/etc. because Gizzards was in college to be a sex therapist, worked in a sort of halfway house for mentally ill people, and had only just started living the polyamorous life a few months ago. He was passionate about each subject and asked me abrupt questions from nowhere such as “What are your thoughts on porn?” (My thoughts: Uh it’s not for me, and I have serious concerns regarding how the actors are treated).

Polycule

Polycule: The Ghost

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• 1750 words • 7 min •

After everything with Axes blew up, I was kind of mopey. People who appear to be interested in me, then later tell me it's a lie or they didn't actually feel as strongly as they originally thought... I'm really sensitive to that. It's happened before, with much bigger relationships, and part of my starting online dating again was that I was only going to accept people who treated me well and who genuinely wanted to be with me. One of my best friends has a saying, "Only date people who want to date you!" and shouts it at me anytime I make excuses for those people who don't appear to be giving me their all, or seem to have dubious intentions.

Very cute white pomeranian doggy.
Puppies are v good at comforting

I was still in the Conversations Stage with a number of people, but had kind of been drifting away from them since I thought there was Something There with Axes. Letting longer and longer lengths of time elapse before I replied, or not taking the initiative to message them.

But here I was, late at night, bored, and feeling really disappointed about Axes, and messaging all the people I'd sort of let slip away in the last few weeks. So let's talk about a few of them that didn't go anywhere, first.

There was a really *really* cute bisexual trans girl with silvery lavender hair and a sort of perfect SOFT GRUNGE look you only see on tumblr. She ended all of her messages with cute little c: faces. And we had progressed to texting and.... and....

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Polycule: Axe Throwing Guy – Part Three

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2600 words • 10 min

The week after the election, nearly everyone I knew had violence occur in their neighborhood. My best friend at the time lived in an apartment complex, and the body of a young black woman was found dead in the apartment below hers. My ex-boyfriend lived in a small town in the northeast and a man went on a shooting spree across the town, something that had never taken place in that area before. A guy I had been talking to online (and who I went on a date with eventually - Gizzards, coming soon) had a Muslim friend who had buckets of red paint thrown on him while walking across campus. And one of Axes' family members was assaulted on the street for wearing a pride shirt. She was physically okay minus some bruising, but everything was terrifying; everyone was shaken over these events happening all over the country.

Fig A. Amazing queer shirt of wonder and majesty

It was heavy, depressing times, and I found myself going to Axes to talk about it over and over again. Over half of his immediate family and all of his friends were queer - he *got it* in a way that most of my other friends didn't.

He also said something that I still think about on a regular basis, and keep as quote on my phone. I shared with him that I had just started to be kind of Out at work. After Pulse happened, I wore all my LGBTQ t-shirts to work that week, and a few coworker friends knew about my life. But after Trump won, and people I know started getting more violence and hate directed at them and those they loved, it started to feel a lot more unsafe, or at least unwise, to be out in the workplace.

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