Bi Enby in the Big City: DO NOT ENTER THE DOG PARK

Mon, 11/27/17:

I met up with some friends (the Quickly friends, if you remember) for dinner and Netflix. We went to a place called Pizza My Heart (HA!) in Palo Alto, which also has this big egg statue made out of circuit boards. 
 
I… I guess it’s a big deal? It’s even on google maps as like, a point of interest, lol. 
Either way, I have now visited the egg. So.
 
The pizza place was punderful but um *whispers* I didn’t like the pizza. Even though my friends seemed to think it was fantastic. 
We went to their house and watched the first episode of the Series of Unfortunate Events miniseries, and I identified with those kids more than is probably healthy. 
Your new home is a bare mattress in the attic of a run-down nightmare building. “And I’ve provided, at no additional cost to you, this pile of rocks.” 
Kids: Is there a grocery store nearby?
Lady: No, but there is an open-air market and local gin distillery.
SOUNDS LIKE SAN FRANCISCO TO ME.

Tues, 11/28/17:

Mr. Foodie gets weird about making sure I eat something. I’ve started just lying to him and saying I ate at work to avoid being hauled out at night to go to a sit-down restaurant. (I’m TIRED just let me shove some cookies into my mouth and call it good!!!)
So Tuesday, he mother-henned me out of the house and took me to get Turkish food. 
I have never had Turkish food. Being an ignorant suburban white person, I was unaware there were specific Turkish food restaurants. 
The server girl was so cute and excited that I’d never had Turkish food before, and helpfully explained what everything on the menu was (I recognized one word on it: rice. Everything else? I was lost.) 
We had… an appetizer whose name I don’t remember. But they were “rice and spices” wrapped in pickled(?) grape leaves. 
 
Me: How do I eat this? Do I… unwrap it?
Mr. Foodie: No you just pick it up and eat it.
Me: …. like with my hands or
Mr. Foodie: Yes with your hands.
I’m weird about food texture, and this was very mushy, cold, and slimy, so I was not a fan. The actual flavor was good but very intense. I would have to pass on this one. 
 
But omg my actual meal was amazing. It was … what I would probably call a chicken kebab (I’m pretty sure the menu said kebap, though?) with rice. It was delicious. Like 100% would order again. Yes please. 

Weds, 11/29/17:

this store is like “We cut up a fruit and put it in this water. Give us money. Everyone likes leafs in their drink.”
There is a long, boring list of poor decisions involving walking a billion blocks to go grocery shopping at a store that exists literally next door to my train station, forgetting I have a 2 hr commute and buying ICE CREAM, being creeped on by someone in a bathroom, my phone dying so I didn’t get credit on my walking app for all that fucking walking, spending an hour cleaning up melted ice cream, and carrying an eight pack of soda on my back for blocks and blocks and ughghghghghghgh
In the middle of that, though, there was an adorable dog park with cutesy dog-themed stuff, like…
A bench shaped like a bone! 
A fire hydrant…….that is person sized? For some reason? 
 
But…. they also had statues of dogs. Weird… mechanical dogs. With hands. That looked like something that came out of a nightmare. 
It haunts my dreams.
There were others but it was dark and they all came out blurry. 
 
Or maybe they’re just blurry because they’re CURSED IMAGES OF TERRIFYING METAL DOG STATUES. 
The world may never know. 

Mon, 12/04/17:

So. Mr. Foodie has a home security system. And I have my own code for it. Well this morning the keypad wasn’t lighting up so I just opened the door, assuming it wasn’t set.
And oh… IT WAS.
The keypad’s battery was just on the verge of death. 
So the alarm blared to life and I typed in my code over and over and over but of course the lights were barely flickering and not enough battery to turn it off. 
So it called the cops.
Or rather it called Mr. Foodie’s phone to inform him they had called the cops and does he want them to cancel them? 
While I’m outside his door going ITS NOT WORKING I SWEAR I TYPED IN MY CODE!!! THE BATTERY IS DEAD!!! I’M SO SORRY!!! 
Of course the second the alarm was calmed by the security company, the keypad lights up just fine to inform me the battery is dead. 😒 Thanks. That’s useful. 
So yeah…  GOOD MORNING,  ENTIRE APT BUILDING. ENJOY THE BLARING ALARM.
Hopefully this week goes much, much better ….. >_<!!

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