• 1750 words • 7 min •
After everything with Axes blew up, I was kind of mopey. People who appear to be interested in me, then later tell me it's a lie or they didn't actually feel as strongly as they originally thought... I'm really sensitive to that. It's happened before, with much bigger relationships, and part of my starting online dating again was that I was only going to accept people who treated me well and who genuinely wanted to be with me. One of my best friends has a saying, "Only date people who want to date you!" and shouts it at me anytime I make excuses for those people who don't appear to be giving me their all, or seem to have dubious intentions.
I was still in the Conversations Stage with a number of people, but had kind of been drifting away from them since I thought there was Something There with Axes. Letting longer and longer lengths of time elapse before I replied, or not taking the initiative to message them.
But here I was, late at night, bored, and feeling really disappointed about Axes, and messaging all the people I'd sort of let slip away in the last few weeks. So let's talk about a few of them that didn't go anywhere, first.
There was a really *really* cute bisexual trans girl with silvery lavender hair and a sort of perfect SOFT GRUNGE look you only see on tumblr. She ended all of her messages with cute little c: faces. And we had progressed to texting and.... and....
Apparently I butt-dialed her at like 5 am. Or rather, sleep dialed. Rolled over on my phone or something. When I woke up properly, I texted her to apologize... but she didn't respond to my text.
Or message me ever again (cue dramatic weeping.)
Another incredibly cute trans girl with pouty lips and huge black eyes who drew monster girls and loved Pokemon - we talked off and on for MONTHS but the conversation never took off. I finally just let it go, even though I just... *SO CUTE* okay. I just.
Why are girls SO CUTE???
There was also a nonbinary person who progressed to texting, but I ... kinda vanished on them. They randomly jumped into things I talked about on my profile, but in a really argumentative tone. Our first day of texting was great, but I woke up the next morning to several texts lecturing me about why hunting is good for the environment, because my profile said I wasn't a fan of hunting. They kept arguing with me about things that I hadn't even brought up, like they were trying to pick fights with me, or "educate" me about my wrong opinions on things I in no way asked to learn about.
I eventually just stopped responding. I got a few texts weeks later saying they're bad staying in touch, and I responded but... the conversation just never took off unless it was about something they were arguing with me about. And I'm really not interested in that, sorry.
(Awkwardly - Facebook recommends I add all *three* of these people as friends every single time I go on there.)
There was a guy, too, who I actually messaged long before Axes, based on nothing except he had a profile picture with about a dozen dandelions in his beard. I called him Flowerbeard. He was cute enough, and friendly, and he and I chatted for a while, but he kept awkwardly circling things back to sex. One time he was telling me about some crafty things he was working on, and said something like "I'm very good with my hands 😉 ;)" Rolling my eyes, I responded "Oh, does that mean you're good at... hand-holding????" He didn't take the hint to go in a cuter direction, and instead just bluntly informed me he was good at sex.
The second time was hilarious, honestly. I said something along the lines of "wanna bet?" and he said "the last time I bet on something, a girl bet me I couldn't make her orgasm. And I did."
😐 Yes, impress me with The One Time You Pleased a Woman Sexually.
The third time we were talking about cake. I was at a conference (Sirens Con 2016 WOO WOO anyway) and sending people the pictures of delicious, delicious cake they were serving. He told me to save him a piece, and I said no, they're all mine. General flirting nonsense. His response, though, was "uh-oh! Someone needs a spanking."
I asked Cute Boy, who is allosexual, if I was overreacting (I tend to do that, because sex is so completely off the table when I talk to new people, and I have to remember that not every new person knows to follow those rules), and he said no, randomly bringing up spanking with someone you haven't met in person and don't even know if they're into that is kind of a no go.
So I put a complete full-brakes stop on Flowerbeard, told him it really wasn't okay to talk to me sexually like that, and that was that. (Months later, a girl I was on a date with told me she slept with that guy. Her name is Alien Girl, and we won't get to her for quite a while... haha.)
But! Of all these people I was talking to, the first to result in an actual, in-person date... was the Ghost. (Yeah, it's clear where this is going, right?)
The Ghost had adorable French bulldogs (Frenchies, apparently) and talked about them a lot to me, and we chatted about games and nerdy things and how hard it was to hit on girls when they were so pretty and so scary.
She was so cute and had adorable banter like...
Ghost: I feel like I need a sign like "hey! You're cute! come talk to me!"
Me: Hee hee. I'd answer a sign like that. i'd be bright pink in the face and babbling but I'd def come over and talk to you haha.
Ghost: D'aw well you're lucky I find bright pink faces cute 😉
Ghost: And we've both already got the "likes women" and "are poly" out of the way, well you have the added bonus of me liking all genders 😉
Me: Hee hee hee sounds like we're a good fit on all the basics 😉
Ghost: (look at that! some high quality flirting!)
Me: (we're so suave. Ooooohhhh. I'd date us.)
Ghost: Haha speaking of (nice segue, right?) Would you like to meet up sometime for a coffee/tea/beverage of your choice? 😀
Me: Oooh very nice segue! I'm impressed! And sure... when were you thinking?
We lived about 45 minutes apart, so we decided to meet at a coffee shop near her. Traffic and a strange google maps route got me lost, and then when I showed up, there was no parking anywhere. It was downtown and I drove around and around looking for any place to park, and finally found street parking like four blocks away. I cannot parallel park to save my life, but thankfully there was a space with empty ones around it, and I finally started the blocks and blocks of walking in the cold to reach my date.
I texted her every few minutes the entire time I was late, letting her know what was going on, and trying to be cute and charming while clearly using up all her time. I think I was 30 minutes late or more. By the time I got there, she had already ordered and was halfway through her drink.
She didn't seem upset or annoyed? But granted, I didn't actually know anything about her. There was only one barista working - slowly - through a line at least six people deep. Instead of wasting more time in that line, I sat at the table and we started to talk.
We talked about our dogs, her job, the dating site and how she had just recently opened her marriage up to polyamory and went on her "first date in literally years" just a few weeks ago. She told me how on that date, she had impulsively lunged across the table to put her hand on her date's arm, because it seemed like too many hours had passed without physical contact and surely she should initiate some. I joked that I will know what it means, then, if she starts suddenly pawing at me.
The line finally died down and I grabbed coffee and a pumpkin bar, which I split with her when I sat back down. Things were friendly and conversation pinged back and forth between us easily. A table full of older suburbanites behind us was grumbling about Those Darned Millennials™ and how they were Ruining Everything. We whispered our snarky responses to their conversation and joked about ways we'd confront them if we were bolder.
I thought? Things were fun and lighthearted and good, but rather abruptly after less than an hour together, she told me the cold and how late it was (it was all of 8 pm, and she had originally picked our starting time) was getting to her and ...
I was surprised, but I told her to get some rest and things of that nature. She walked me to my car and seemed really startled when I opened my arms for a goodbye hug.
Then she left, and I sat in my car like....................... huh.
The drive to and from the date was longer than the entirety of the date itself. And I could see no glaring mistakes on my behalf, no point where things got awkward. I wondered if I had something in my teeth (no) or if my hair was doing something weird (no again).
I texted her when I got home to make sure she made it home okay. She said yes, and good night.
And... never answered my texts again.
I've parsed this entire event out with a dozen friends and everyone has a theory as to what happened, but I have no answers. And I probably never will.
*twilight zone theme*